ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I tink this weekend is really the worst week so far... One more bombshell dropped on me, making me feel super disgusted and disappointed wif a close friend.. I dunno why, but the usual forgiving me has decided to nt be Mr nice anymore.. The things he has done in the past year is enuff to disappoint me so many times n despite that, i end up forgiving him..

The mere thought of the latest straw is enuff to disgust me and make mi feel so disgusted n peeved wif myself...

On a side note, i seriousli cant comprehend why ppl can try to be so pc in the way they speak eeven though they are close to you.. I rather u tell mi everything or dun tell mi.. I totalli hate it when ppl start telling mi sumthing n then sae nothing le or im busy le.. TTY another time..

Oh please.. if u wanna sae jus say it.. Not as if i will be a bladder mouth n tell others or sae u are tryin to sow discord...

Haiz... everything seems so chaotic now and i no longer know whu i can trust n believe...

The PAst 2 weeks

2 weeks flies by very quickly when one is indeed enjoying himself.. I wouldnt dare complain as these 2 weeks have been rather smooth for me as i was able to complete all my work and yet have work life balance.. Best of all, i managed to experience telecommuting.. It is realli uber efficient to be telecommuting as i could finish more work within the same time frame at the comfort of my home..Designing customised templates for my work never seemed so easy and breeze..

N to top it off, i managed to have dinner on several days with my friends, a luxury that i have yet to enjoy completely for the past few weeks..

On a side note, I am feeling relatively vexed and down. Things that seem to be simple such as friendships can becum so complex and hard to comprehend.. What was once considered close friends/someone you will talk and go out with suddenly bcomes a stranger to you.. Even talking to that person seems so stressed and hard to the extent that I really feel like locking myself into my comfort zone again..

Have i really been that aggressive to let ppl shun me and keep a distance from me.. I guess im just being frank with what i think/feel but this has cost me 2 close friendships and i seriosuly think that i should just be a lonely J-san who will just keep to himself and be a zai-nan...

Sad but i guess that is the brute reality of life... Signing off and hopefully things will improve soon enuff..

Breathing space

After those crazy 2 weeks, im glad im finally seeing lights.. Have been working on weekends and till past 12 everyday for 2 consecutive weeks.. Felt totally worned out but fortunately i could take a short break on Monday to rest and chill..

This week has also flown by relatively peacefully and im back to doing my follow up work for my overseas job.. Its confirmed that i will have to fly back there in June so hopefully eveything will go by smoothly and i will be able to complete the work plus have some chill out time..


Still contemplating whether to go for the bash this evening.. Guess im feeling old le and all this noisy crazy nights are no longer for me le...

A Weird dream after a tiring night

Yesterday was indeed a shagged day as i had to work 2 shifts again.. Totalli do not relih this experience and sometimes it makes me wonder if this is something i will like to experience in the long run.. Afte my meetup with my career manager on monday, I guess it is more or less official- that my plan for this current job has been reduced from Long term to the immediate short term..

People who are close to me should know the reason behind this but i guess i have to keep to my promise of a one year trial period. But i guess, if i keep to this promise, i should still be around for the next year as it means tat the cause of my reduction in plan for this firm has been eliminated..

So hopefully i will be able to bite through this period and see the sun again.. On a side note, i had a very weird dream last night.. I actually dreamt of someone whom i liked and the person actually got attached and gradually drifted away from me.. Even it was a dream, it felt so real and i could feel the pain and sense of helplessness for that instant.. Hope that this won turn out to be real.. But on the other hand, im afraid of taking a step out as i do not wish to ruin another friendship just because of this.. In a dilenma...

Im Back

The past 2 weeks has been nightmarish for me as i finally broke my own principle of work life balance and worked till past 2am everyday.. However, this job is quite interesting in nature and thus i willlingly put in the hours.. however, wat angered me the most was that my weekends were burnt too as i had to do work for mi prior job.. At the end of it, it just burns my motivation to continue in the firm.. Even clients and close friends feel that it is not worthwhile to do so just becos of 1 person.. But i guess i do need to be firm and emphasise on my principles.. Otherwise, people may just take me for granted and devour me..

After this crazy 2 weeks, I certainli hope that thigns will improve and i will be able to catch up with my buddies whom i have been neglecting.. My health has suffered from the crazy hours and now i am down with this bad headache that i hope will go off soon..

Looking forward to this cuming weekend so that i can finally ahve some rest and time to what i really wish to do...

Eventful weekend

630 on thursday and it points to a long weekend that is meant for me to become wild once again... To sum it up in a sentence.. It is shiok but damn shag.. Guess i have aged during this period and i can no longer be as crazi as i was during my university days..

Went for dinner on thursday at jurong east with my uni best fren.. It was nice of him to suggest meeting mi at jurong east, where i was stationed, so that i din have to travel down to meet him.. Meeting him is alwaes relaxed and enjoyable as i do nt hav to watch what i sae in front of him.. Can trust him and confide in him about anything under the sun and know that he wun leak it out/betray me.. Guess this is the level of friendship that one should seek to attain..

friday was fun and packed.. Finalli i managed to indulge in my leisure activity once again after 2 weeks.. MJ-ing... Played all the way from friday night till sat morning 9am... Played a total of 4 rounds but it feels just like a round or two as these friends are fun to play with and MJ-ing with them is alwaes fun and full of jokes and gossip.. tt's y i probably enjoy playing with them.. Cant take those uber serious and quiet mj sessions as people are just mj-ing for the sake of gambling..

Saturday is the slackiest dae of the weekend as i basicalli just nua-ed at home and watch drama/sleep/teach lesson.. Sundae is also slack as i had a BBQ session.. The atmosphere felt weird and tense and i didnt realli feel that comfortable and at ease as sum people were around.. Had to act PC and i guess im nt one that can act well.. It realli defeats the purpose if one had to act PC and so i left at 830 after a mere 2.5 hrs...

Memories

During my one week hiatus from work last week, as i was strolling down the streets, suddenly i recalled the daes where i had my nfirst oversea trip with my pal and the fun and laughter that I had whilst schooling.. Although certain events happen which makes me feel sad/unhappy, it is still part of my growing up process.. these are called my memories, which has layered my life and make it such an eventful/meaningful one..

Im not trying to be an emo kid now but probably i ahve grown old and now things that doesnt appeal to me in the past such as jazz music/oldie songs now actualli appeal to me.. here's a song which i realy enjoyed listening to as it realli brightends my dae when i heard it todae...

Enjoy it peps and have a great dae!!!!

Lunch time

Lunch this week has been relatively sad as i have been eating in at the canteen at the client's place... barely took 30min to complete my lunch and it will be another 5 hr before i can knock off.. Thus, decided to have a short post during the remaining lunch time..

Today, one of my colleagues randomli mentioned that march is coming to an end.. To be honest, 3 months of peak have passed and it is relatively amazing hw time flies when u are busy.. But to be honest, this peak has been bad for me not in terms of work but in terms of the people that i work with.. the first 2 jobs ( Ma******* and Sw*****) was great as the team members were fun and willing to coach.. totalli enjoyed my stay there despit mi havin to burn up mi weekends.. But i was not hat unlucky in subsequent jobs and at times, i really questioned myself if this is the route that i wan to be in.. At times, i realli felt like throwing in the towel and resign, but i guess i decided to press on cos of mi desire to eventually end up teaching as well as the friends that i have made in the firm thus far.. Friends are indeed important and vital in order for you to press on and stay.. But ppl have started to leave and inevitably, it is sad and the pulling force to stay on is becuming thinner and thinner by day..


On a side note, after 3 days in dilemna, I have finally straightened my thoughts on that unhappy incident.. Maybe people are just pure jealous that i could end on time while they hav to burn oil.. speaking with friends who know me well have assured me that this incident has definitely got nothing to do with my work attitude or watsoever.. As such, J-san will evolve and become more focused with what he wants and not what people wants him to be like...

So happy that it is now wednesday and it is just one more day of work before i go off for my long weekend.. It will be filled with quality personal time and activities such as dinner on thursday with zr and hopefulli mj sessions on fridae.. Sat and sundays i hope will be available for me to do my shopping once again to recharge myself and make mi forget those unhappi incidents at work..

Its 1247pm and its time for me to get back to work le..

A brand new work week

Ring!!!!!! 730 am and its time for em to drag out of bed to start a brand new work week on a new job... Was feeling damn excited to start work after a relaxing week holidaying and indulging in retail therapy.. went for breakfast with my run mates and i guess being around these few people is totally relaxing and enjoyable as there was no much need to be pretentious and fake, sumthing which i hate..

After which, i proceeded happily to my work and went for a kick off meeting.. But everything was not meant to be as a bombshell hit me.... I was stabbed in the back by the senior of my previous job as he has complained to the manager that i have started late and ended early.. To be honest, i do start late but i alwaes ensure that i work in the necessary work hours and even extra hours ( people who knows mi well enuff know of mi work life balance policy).. Howver, the fact that i was stabbed means that nice guys dun survive and will die off first.

Since my theory has been proven that people do not appreciatre what u have done for them, it makes no perfect sense for me to help others and be Mr Nice.. Im feeling sick and disgusted and now it is time for me to change and be Mr EVIL. Gone will be the J-san that smiles and help others readily at work when he is ready occupied with his stuff.. I think i should really learn how to protect myself and as zr has said, i shant care about the perceptions of people that do not know me well enuff..


You can go ahead and sae mi work attitude sucks or im just an evil person... I seriousli do not care anymore as the fact that u can sae so means that u dont know mi well enuff for me to care about yr perceptions!!

Am totalli worned out todae....

An update

Its been a while since i last updated my blog as I have been busy with work for the past few months.

After starting work, I have realised that people indeed may not be as truthful to you as it seems.. I have learnt it the rather hard way as some people had began to dislike me for my candidness.. As you can see, I am an avid believer of work life balance and being friends, i thought it would be ok for me to share these sentiments to my run mates.. However, it did not sit well with sum of them and now i hav made "enemies" for myself.. To be honest, I do not really care about these "enemies" as they are not the ones that are the closest to me in the run but it just seems weird to know that people actually dislike you..

In the end, I think that friends that i have made in school days are indeed the true friends as they accept me for who i am ( hopefully, they are not acting PC with me) and i dare say that the few of the uni friends that i have made are indeed my best friends who understand me and can confide in..

On a side note, I went to HK with one of my run mate.. To me, I can consider him as one of those that i am relatively closer to and as such, have sum degree of trust in him.. Despite having misunderstandings, I truely hope that i have not mispalced my trust in him and will like to further develop my friendship with him if posible..

I dont know if my candidness have caused people misery as at certain times i may hav said things that people are not aware of and the truth have shocked them relatively badly.. Maybe i should not hav said those things to him as I hav a feeling that he has since closed up himself in his shell and am unwilling to have a "free" conversation with me and others..

Feeling very perplexed and am sad as i do not wish to lose this friend that i have made because of this incident.. Haix..